Saturday, October 9, 2010
Daddy Loves You
Some men love their sacred son from afar
Many boys still taste Daddy's bitter scar
Some men never grew up to beome wise
Few Mothers left in order to fully rise
Some men booze to ease wretched pain
This woman won't go that route, again
Some men cry when they start to drink
I choose to feel, before I stoop to think
Some men have painful addiction to bare
For the girl inside of me, I Mostly CARE
Some men tell you whatever it might take
SHE is healing herself for Goddess sake
Some men are too weak to really try
A strong heart knows all fear must die
Some men wll never really grow to love
This Mommy protects Angel from above!
I spoke to the father of my child, this evening. For over 2 hours, we talked, for the first time, in a long eternity. I wanted to believe what he was saying, ... Yet, I knew he was drinking.
After a while, I started to feel different. The energy shifted .. Now, he brought more of his negative words into play, and he started to share his blame .. stories with me. The ones where I am his abuser and he does not own his incredible powers.
Knowing he may not appreciate what I knew I had to tell him, I told him, anyway. Offering him the greatest opportunity in the world .. to get to really know his son, after all his years. I spoke of him going into total detox. Dismissing this option, he stayed in denial.
Soon after, I could hear him exhaling cigarette smoking in his bedroom, at this Mom's house, where he promised not to smoke. After I gave her permission to own her power in her own castle. I could tell he was beginning to get drunk. Time to part company.
Not wanting to let me go .. He wanted to dream of old, sexy, steamy memories. Beginning to cry as he mentioned how we used to sleep with our baby laying between us, in our familial bed. Vey endearing.
We must be willing to let go of old habits. Changes don't always come easily. Some would rather stay in prison's of essentially their own making. Rather than be responsible for one's actions, many and most, would rather play hot-headed and cold-headed host to addictions. Tripped up by their own pain. The past is where the barely live. Dreams are what they cannot make real .. unable to ever forgive\
We love you and know the best person you already are. Now, maybe one day, you shall do and be the sanest same.
With my LOVE and Highest Intentions,
He just called, again. This time, drinking even more and wanting me to assign me to task and apologize for hurting him in a myriad of manipulative ways. No wonder I had to tell him to leave, over 14 years ago. Not because I did not love him. Simply, due to the faithful fact that I LOVE MYSELF, more than what I could ever pretend to live with a lie!